The Dress

I have a dress, a once in a life time dress.  I wore it for really dressy DAR functions.  It made heads turn and made me feel like a Queen.  It has been hanging in my closet, well protected for many many years until recently when I brought it out to see if I could still fit into it for a special event which is upcoming.  I couldn't.  My heart hurt for the whole day.  Another part of my life gone forever.  As long as I could fit in " the dress" I could still be young and wonderful, but the reality of having to face time passing and body aging was very hard to deal with again.

I am still slender, but after dealing with breast cancer I have been reshaped, not that I haven't gained a few pounds, but the shape is why it doesn't fit anymore.  The pounds can come off, the shape is there to stay. Now, in defense of the shape change, I am still alive to have remorse and to smile at myself for my vanity.  As a teen I was an ugly duckling.  I was basically covered with "zits", my front teeth protruded and I was taller than my classmates, especially the boys.  It was a tough life and the bullying followed me from first grade through junior high.  By high school I had learned to be more confident and didn't pay much attention to them so they left me alone most of the time. 

I definitely "blossomed" in college, fell in love, married and had a fairly wonderful life until the loss of my love in an accident which left me a widow at age 44 with three children, two almost grown and one teen at home. As life progressed, I learned for the first time in my life that I could do it.  My sons finished college and went their way and my daughter and I grew close and traveled, played and cried together. I have three amazing children and they still are amazing.  After ten years I married the only other man that was ever in my life and am happier than I have a right to be.  So coming back to "the dress", as I look at it memories flood into my brain and my heart swells with all the love and warmth I have shared with others while possessing my wonderful dress.  It represents who I was and who I am and who I will become as the days lengthen.  I will now pass it on to someone I have come to admire and appreciate and even love so she will be able to own "the dress" and hopefully have it be a wonderful influence on her life as it was on mine.  I only hope it fits!

I Hate It When I Can't Find It

I just tried to find this blog to post again, couldn't.  Had to sign on to my daughter's blog to get to mine.  This is not good.  I wish I were more computer literate, so do my children, but it doesn't seem to happen. It is not that I don't try, I do.  I am sure it has to do with my frustration level which becomes high instantly when met with a bump in the road.  Oh well.

  Today is actually quiet.  It has been so long since I have had one of those I am not sure how to handle it.  I should probably descend into the netherland, basement, and continue on my mission to make it habitable again. It is a very large basement and I had it almost entirely filled with stuff. Stuff from my other life, stuff from my closed office, 50 years of stuff from that, stuff from my new life and some kids stuff because we have a large basement and they don't.  Lots of stuff.

I have made a dent as I promised my husband for his birthday I would clean it up and make it presentable. He was thrilled and every time he descends he smiles more so apparently it is working. I know I am. The cats appreciate it too since they live there at night.  They all have their own little place they like to hang and seem to be happy about the cleanup.  I have promised myself no Christmas decorations go up until this job is done.  That may be next year at this rate.  I normally have at least a third of our home ready for Christmas by now.  I put some Christmas in every room. Last year I think I decorated seven trees plus all the rest of the "stuff" for Christmas.  We will see what happens and when as time progresses.  I also have to take some time to plant and harvest as I do play Farmville and enjoy it immensely. It has become MY farm.  We live on a real farm and farm real crops, but I only get to garden and mow our grass.  Lot of garden and lots of grass but on my FV I get to have all the animals I want and I change out trees, houses and sheds whenever I like which is not possible on the real farm.  So I am happy both in reality and in fantasy, what a great life!

Just read the title again and have to comment on it one more time.  Practicing remembering what I went to look for seems to help in that department.  I am easily distracted, oh look, a rabbit, so I have to work at being more focused no matter what I do.  The "what did I come in here for" still happens but not quite as frequently.

The thought just came into my head that this blog may turn into how we journey into being older and probably not liking it so finding ways to delay it or make it fun, I like fun.  I will have to think about this as getting older is not for sissy-girls or boys. It is truly a hard journey and sometimes a sad journey as I look back at the stages of my life.  Most of my life is over in terms of years to go from the years I have lived and that is sad because I have loved and enjoyed my life and want it to go on forever, but, being a born again Christian, I know where I am going and I can't wait to get there. Go figure but that is how it is and I wouldn't change it for anything.  So more about all of this next time when I find time to sit and ponder.